Sunday, 20 March 2016

Truth of the Heart

-I learnt my lesson, I've known love.. and it's hurt, love is hurt- 

Holaa fellas!!! Michiru is back :D sorry for not updating for such a long time >___< 
On today's post, I'll share something a bit personal of my life xp (which I never share to anyone, even my parents/bestfriends!). Be aware of a reaaallllly long post :p

So, these past few days.. actually there're something that keep bothering me... I mean, it's not that I don't mind or care anymore but.. to tell the truth my heart kinda aches everytime I remember something from my past .__. 
Some of my old friends.. perhaps think that I never develop/ been in a serious relationship before with guys because I never told them or admitted that I was in a relationship LOL!! I didn't mean to proclamate all of my secrets and relationship that I ever had.. but, well.. here's the truth :) 

Exactly when I was 10, I had my first boyfriend, let's just call him A.. he was my bestfriend at that time or yea.. I considered him as one.. the relationship with him was short lasted though.. Although, we were still a spoiled child at that time I didn't think that A would easily betrayed me over the incitement of his friends.. and.. actually I'm okay with it, at least if he didn't want to be with me anymore, then don't!! The thing is.. he always try to reconciled with me almost everytime.. and when his friend provocated him, he got away from me.. Silly me.. I always forgave A and accepted him back..
 Nowadays, when we met each other again we didn't even say hi anymore and he only stared at me  I actually pretty pissed with his action, I mean.. we're already done in the past and at some point A didn't even want to be friend with me or pretend not to know me anymore and I'm OK with it.. but now.. he even dare to actually stared!! and what made me even more pissed was the fact that he somehow whispered something to his friend while staring at me .__. wtf right?! no negative thinking.. but, we're already over and I didn't even want to know A anymore since I already considered him dead long time ago :) 

Speaking of which..  I had my second relationship when I was in junior high school.. I was introduced to a boy by my friend.. this time let just call him R. 
R actually was really sweet, he always gave me a lot of gifts that I like and he even called me on phone almost everyday.. always checking my condition and stuffs. He's a boy who come from a rich family but broken home, he's actually a good person and really loyal toward his friends.. One day, one of his friends C has an accident at the sea that put him into a coma I was really shocked when R called me, his voice was in a real panic at that time.. R kinda blamed himself for what happened because he was with C.. I tried to calm him down, but he just didn't listen.. First of all, he lied to me about his trip to the beach. I was kinda touched when I knew that his purpose on going to the beach was to surprised me with our anniversary gifts, but really.. he didn't have to went that far :( I was worried sick when he did that without my concern.. I mean it was on December and the weather was really bad.. Second, he once again lied about his actual condition... (that he was sick and forced himself to go).. Third, he didn't even listen to what I had to say that he didn't have to went so far to pleased me, because I was already glad that he loved me.. We argued harshly.. 
At that time, I was really mad at him and broke with him.. I returned all of his gifts. He begged me to reconciled with me, but I was so angry and my heart ached when I remembered our last argument.. he already lied to me so many times and yet he didn't even admit that he was wrong.. 
and that's how my second relationship ended..

I began to start a relationship again when I was in my first year of senior high school.. this time let's call him S :p 
S is a type of a guy who's funny, hyperactive.. lol, and warm hearted.. But, unfortunately so possesive and intimidating.. I spend quite a lovely and memorable times with him though.. We shares a lot of same hobbies, we love the same musics, movies, books, etc.. S know that I have a few of guy bestfriends that's really close to me.. and the fact that I've always spend quite some times with my best friends upset him.. He ordered me around to cut all of my relationship with my guy bestfriends, which.. of course I couldn't do.. I get really tired every single times he blabbered the same things over and over.. about how he didn't like my friends, etc.. and the climax was when he  bad-mouthing one of my bestfriends. I really couldn't accept it and broke up with him..

At some point, on my second year of highschool, I got so tired of being in a relationship and began to think that all of them were actually so pointless.. I even decided not to get married in the future or even had children ( because basically, I don't really like kids that much.. I easily get awkward around them.. LOL) I used to thought like that for quite some times... Being in a relationship isn't always fun, sometimes it forces you to be more mature especially when your partner is much more childish and egoistic than you.. 

Until now.. I've change my mind and I really want to start a fresh new page, forget all of my darkest time in the past.. 

I want to be in a relationship again, but perhaps later.. because all I want to do right now is to focus on what I've got to achieve : my dreams :) 

Aaah~ I put so much feelings on writing this super duper long post.. >_< so tired of typing, I hope you guys don't get tired at reading it okay..?!! LOl.. haha..

Have a lovely day ^.^